Superfluous Apologies
Hi,
This week’s email is about an important type of apology, and how you can use it to improve social relationships.
The information here comes from a relevant research article (open-access PDF).
Here are the key practical points you should know:
An apology is an expression of regret for an undesirable event or situation; it often involves an attempt to fix a relationship by admitting blame and asking for forgiveness.
A superfluous apology is an expression of regret for an undesirable circumstance for which the apologizer is clearly not responsible, so it doesn’t involve admitting blame or requesting forgiveness.
An example of a typical superfluous apology is a statement like “I’m sorry about the rain/the traffic/your loss”.
A superfluous apology tends to increase people’s trust in the apologizer, since it demonstrates empathic concern for another person.
Various factors can influence how well this works; for example, constant superfluous apologies might appear insincere, especially in certain social contexts.
The last point is important, since it means that simply using this technique isn’t enough—you have to also consider when, where, and how you use it, as well as who you use it with.
As always, I'm happy to hear your thoughts and questions.
Have a great week,
Itamar